Tiger's Moment

Today, Tiger Woods shall walk the secular via dolorosa that men ranging from Governor Elliot Spitzer to David Duchovny hath trod. It is the sex scandal admission press conference, an ordeal that has become a staple of American public life and mainstream media coverage.

The SSAPC (we must abbreviate) is a decidedly modern invention. President John F. Kennedy's sexual dalliances were known amongst the White House press corps in the '60s, but back then, dirty secrets were still dirty and, well, secret. There were some thing you just didn't talk about.

Nothing is off the table now, though. What was once the ultimate private act is now the ultimate public act. This is the era of Paris Hilton and "Snooki". Rare is the man who has not seen Kim Kardashian's nethers. In such a climate, airing someone else's sexual baggage is not only common, it is a cottage industry.

So there is no way off the hook. Tiger has to do this. Otherwise, he will never be able to begin the long, slow resuscitation of his personal and professional image. Expect him to express regret, to cry, to make much of the pain he has caused Elin and the kids. Perhaps a therapy session on Oprah's couch is in order.

Mind you, I am not saying that ALL the hubbub surrounding Tiger's issues is neccesarily good or bad. The media coverage of a man's sins seems inherently unethical to me, but then, so does the alternative. Some commentators have raised legitimate points about Tiger's duplicity. This was a man who was hailed for his discipline, would you believe. A world in which Tiger Woods can get away with all of this wouldn't be much better.

But what if our cultural obsession with sex, inherent in today's looming media circus, is part of the problem? Blatant moral relativism has replaced moral principle in the classroom, the home, the newspaper, and even the Church in some cases. Can we really elevate a talented, popular man to such blinding heights of celebrity and, given the world's general lack of sexual mores, expect him not to succumb to temptations like Tiger has? Can we fault the wayward for their disordered appetites when we have instructed them from childhood that nothing is inherently wrong and that sex need only be consensual to be acceptable?

The answer to all of this is formation. Formation that, if it is not religious in nature, should at least instill a more generic sense of restraint, fidelity, and integrity.

Equal Opportunity Adultery

The revelation of golf superstar Tiger Woods' many dalliances with sleazy women has come as a shock to many. Not to me. With fame and fortune come opportunities for illicit pleasures aplenty. In fact, even without fame and fortune, we live in an age of utter libertine subjugation to our base impulses. Money and prestige only make seeking gratification easier, which is why we have entire useless publications devoted to examining the prurient escapades of the celebrity set. I am not entirely sure why anyone is surprised about all of this.

I will say this: Eugene Robinson, of the worthless Washington Post, is a moron. He has taken the Tiger debacle in a whole new, completely unhelpful direction by insinuating that there is some kind of self-targeted racism at play in Tiger's choice of mistresses. The black golf pro's choice of busty, Playboy-style white women reflects a lack of diversity, says Robinson. Shame on Tiger for not screwing a few black, Latino, or Asian women while he was at it. If you're going to cheat, cheat in a more politically-correct fashion.

Apparently, should any of you readers ever decide to become serial adulterers, I recommend that at least one of your illicit partners be a minority. That way, hurt feelings can be avoided (except for your wife's hurt feelings, but those are aside the point; once the damage is done, liberal ire over non-diverse sexual attraction ought be your primary concern).

How nauseating. Yet, again, how unsurpising. Last week as I perused the Boston Herald, all the full-page images of Tiger, a black man, juxtaposed with his posse of caucasian sluts, stood out like sore thumbs. For race baiters, the contrasting skin colors of the parties involved are just too good to be true. Someone was inevitably going to seize on it.

Robinson's conspiracy theory about Tiger's presumed disinterest in minority women hasn't garnered much traction. This is probably because even other whiny, oversensitive editors and journalists know that these kinds of comments are infuriatingly off-base. Only a desperate person would drag the race issue into a fairly mundane sex scandal situation that is not at all germane to it. That Robinson suggests Tiger's exclusively white taste is a result of insecurity might be even more offensive. Is "security" defined as "having sexual preferences that cut across a multitude of ethnicities"?

People who try to stir up bad feeling needlessly are one of the primary reasons why the public affairs discourse in our country is so charged with artificial "controversy".